"You don't weep unless you've been happy first; tears always mean something enviable."
- Graham Greene
The tears came for the first time two weeks ago. I had actually started to wonder if they would come at all because I'm so excited about our upcoming move. But we were hurrying out to meet someone to pick up a giant pile of moving boxes, and it made me impossibly sad to think about packing our things away.
Instead of walking out the door, I sat on the bed. I started crying and told Peter we'd never have any friends in Boston, and why are we doing this again? I tend to fall down hard on the friend excuse, though I know we already have friends there, and family, too. But it felt like a tangible thing to be upset about, versus the actual fuzzy conflicted sadness I have about leaving our life here. Our life that is so lovely, it feels very bratty to want to turn away from it for the hope of something better.
The thing is though, the hope is that it will be better for us, not better better.
This weekend we are packing up the rest of the apartment, and maybe trying to fit in one or two more things from the list. But there has been so much happiness here, I think more tears are coming.
Oh, Julie. I felt just this way when we left Texas for Boston, though we already had a few friends there. I won't lie - it's been tough to adjust to this new place. But we've gradually made a place for ourselves. And so will you. (I know it sounds trite, but it's true.)
ReplyDeleteCan't wait to meet you when you get here. And meanwhile, no one will fault you for some tears.
You know what Mom would say, "Of course you won't make any friends, you never have in the past."
ReplyDeleteIt's what she said to me every time I said that before I went abroad. Oh Diane's sarcasm!
I understand completely! Although I had the opposite problem: my family and friends were in Boston, and I knew NOT A SOUL in California. But, it gets better and easier and you're going to love being in Boston - I promise! :)
ReplyDeleteI think the packing is what made me feel the worst - it makes the goodbye so much slower and let's face it: it's a major pain!
Good luck! I'll be sending good moving karma your way.
oh girl, it's so hard to leave a place you love. or a stage you love. the grieving the loss is important. and of course you'll have friends in boston, you're super cool! sit with the sadness, and look forward to the exciting parts to come! thinking of you. x
ReplyDeleteYou'll adjust easily, I just know it. Think of your cute new apt and a new city to explore! And yes, do some more things from "the list" this weekend to help with your goodbye to NY.
ReplyDeleteYou ladies are all so smart and lovely. Thank you for the encouragement!
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